This is a photo of my Aunt Hilda, my grandparents and my Mom taken in the 1940s
Sunday, May 3rd
Mid-afternoon, the phone rang and it was Mom. When I asked how she was, she said she was very upset. When I asked why, she said that she couldn’t understand why I didn’t care enough about her to phone her on Mother’s Day. I said that Mother’s Day is next week but Mom disagreed and said the newspapers said that Mother’s Day was today so I was wrong. After almost crying on the phone and asking what she had done so that I didn’t care enough to call her, she finally hung up on me. A short time later, Mom’s sister, Hilda, called to say that she had also talked to Mom that day and when Hilda told Mom that her granddaughter, Amy, was getting married next month, Mom said she didn’t know who Amy was. Considering Mom has always been excellent at keeping all the relatives straight, this was worrisome. Anyway, I told Aunt Hilda about my bizarre conversation concerning Mother’s Day. Aunt Hilda said she would try to talk to Mom about Mother’s Day and we left it at that.
Friday, May 8th
I talked to Mom and she had received her Mother’s Day card and she was quite pleased with it. She seems to not remember her phone call on Sunday. When I talked about Amy getting married, Mom was quite aware of who Amy is and it was as if last Sunday never happened! I am really worried because this is so out of character.
Tuesday, June 2nd
I tried to phone just after I got home to tell Mom about Melissa’s fall and there was no answer. I said to Steve that was rather odd but I thought maybe she was down the hall throwing out the garbage. I tried a bit later and there was still no answer which was really strange. A short time later, Mom’s friend Ellen phoned to say that she and another friend, Pat, were worried earlier in the day about Mom because her phone had been off the hook all morning and that was not normal. They went to her apartment and here I am a bit fuzzy but apparently they got into the apartment (I don’t know if Mom answered the door or if one of them had a key) and found her very confused. She was convinced that her mother (who has been dead for about 35 years) and I were both at her apartment. Anyway, Ellen and Pat took Mom to the hospital and they decided to keep her. Ellen and Pat were concerned that Mom might have had a stroke but the hospital decided that she had a urinary tract infection and that was a partial cause of her confusion. The hospital had admitted her and Ellen was not sure how long Mom would be there. I called Aunt Hilda and let her know what is happening.
Thursday, June 10th
Mom’s doctor phoned me and provided an update. The doctor has decided to pull Mom’s driver’s license! While I do not disagree with it, in fact, I actually support it, it has been a real blow for Mom. She says she doesn’t understand why, after all she passed her test last year. The doctor says that they did a Mini-Mental Status Test and she scored 23/30. While that doesn’t sound bad, it is a sign of mild to moderate dementia. They also did a Montreal Cognitive test and on that she only scored 13/30 – obviously not good. The occupational therapist did a safety audit to see if Mom would be safe at home. On that she scored 5/7 but in terms of problem solving, she only got 3/7. The safety audit apparently has flash cards with pictures of dangerous situations such as pot on fire; while Mom recognized that a pot on fire is dangerous, she wasn’t able to pick out the card with a fire extinguisher as a solution.
I know that she has been without her toothbrush and toothpaste since she was admitted 10 days ago. She knew she needed/wanted them but she couldn’t figure out that that she could have asked Ellen or Pat to bring her a toothbrush and toothpaste. She can sometimes recognize a problem but is not able to figure out what to do about it.
Friday, June 11th
I talked to Mom tonight and she is tired, as usual. She says she doesn’t understand why the doctor pulled her license. I am sure the doctor did talk to her but she just doesn’t get it. When I asked what she is going to do about getting places, she said she didn’t know. I suggested she could take taxis, and she said she guesses she can.
I talked to her about the doctor being concerned because she had no memory of the fall – no idea if she tripped over something or blacked out or something else. What she said boggled my mind – she told me that I wouldn’t help her after her fall. When I asked what she was talking about she said: “I was lying on the floor and calling your name but you were lying on the bed with a lampshade on your head, I don’t know what that was all about, and you wouldn’t help me. I called and called and you wouldn’t help”. After I caught my breathe, I said that I hadn’t been to her home since last summer when she had her cataracts operated on, but she continued to insist that I was at her home last week and wouldn’t help. She didn’t seem to be angry with me, more disappointed with me. I have no idea how my grandmother fit into the picture and I didn’t really want to go there!
Saturday, June 12th
I talked to Aunt Hilda again today. She talked to Mom this morning and Mom’s concern was that when she left the house last Tuesday, the bed wasn’t made! Considering that she always makes the bed shortly after getting up, so usually by about 9 or 9:30 and I believe that Ellen and Pat took her to the hospital about 2 pm, that means she fell and lay on the floor for probably 4-6 hours!
I had talked to her a few months ago about Lifeline or a similar personal monitoring system, but she says that her former neighbour had one and never used it so they don’t work. I was not able to convince her that the problem was the neighbour, not the system. In computer lingo, they call this a DEU – Defective End User.
Apparently the lady from HomeCare came in today for a visit. She heated up some supper for Mom but I don’t know what else she did. When Mom told her that she has 3 medical appointments this week and can’t drive, the lady said she would see if the agency would be able to find a driver – apparently they are paid for by the Health Care system. I hope that Mom understood correctly and that it will all work out.
Although it probably sounds callous, I am not going to visit her until the end of July. Her doctor has said that she needs to move to a seniors residence – she is not a nursing home candidate yet. Until she has been inconvenienced enough by not having a car, I don’t think she will be willing to consider moving. Her options are to stay in the community where she is living and where she has friends, or moving West to live near me and the grandchildren. There are huge pros and cons to either decision and neither of them will be clearly right.
Staying in her current community:
Pro: She is near her friends
Con: She is one of the few who was still driving so can they get out to visit her?
Pro: Her doctors are all there and they have been great
Con: How does she get to them? If she moves into a senior residence, she will possibly end up getting new doctors anyway.
Pro: The area is familiar to her.
Con: If she can’t get out easily, does it matter?
Pro: The move is not as major if she stays nearby.
Con: It is still a major move and will be traumatic.
Moving near to me:
Pro: She will be near family and we can invite her for dinner and Christmas etc easily – no more expensive flights across the country.
Con: Will she expect us to appear every day?
Pro: I can attend her medical appointments with her
Con: How easy will it be to find new doctors – particularly with the current shortage.
What to do, what to do???
Sunday, May 3rd
Mid-afternoon, the phone rang and it was Mom. When I asked how she was, she said she was very upset. When I asked why, she said that she couldn’t understand why I didn’t care enough about her to phone her on Mother’s Day. I said that Mother’s Day is next week but Mom disagreed and said the newspapers said that Mother’s Day was today so I was wrong. After almost crying on the phone and asking what she had done so that I didn’t care enough to call her, she finally hung up on me. A short time later, Mom’s sister, Hilda, called to say that she had also talked to Mom that day and when Hilda told Mom that her granddaughter, Amy, was getting married next month, Mom said she didn’t know who Amy was. Considering Mom has always been excellent at keeping all the relatives straight, this was worrisome. Anyway, I told Aunt Hilda about my bizarre conversation concerning Mother’s Day. Aunt Hilda said she would try to talk to Mom about Mother’s Day and we left it at that.
Friday, May 8th
I talked to Mom and she had received her Mother’s Day card and she was quite pleased with it. She seems to not remember her phone call on Sunday. When I talked about Amy getting married, Mom was quite aware of who Amy is and it was as if last Sunday never happened! I am really worried because this is so out of character.
Tuesday, June 2nd
I tried to phone just after I got home to tell Mom about Melissa’s fall and there was no answer. I said to Steve that was rather odd but I thought maybe she was down the hall throwing out the garbage. I tried a bit later and there was still no answer which was really strange. A short time later, Mom’s friend Ellen phoned to say that she and another friend, Pat, were worried earlier in the day about Mom because her phone had been off the hook all morning and that was not normal. They went to her apartment and here I am a bit fuzzy but apparently they got into the apartment (I don’t know if Mom answered the door or if one of them had a key) and found her very confused. She was convinced that her mother (who has been dead for about 35 years) and I were both at her apartment. Anyway, Ellen and Pat took Mom to the hospital and they decided to keep her. Ellen and Pat were concerned that Mom might have had a stroke but the hospital decided that she had a urinary tract infection and that was a partial cause of her confusion. The hospital had admitted her and Ellen was not sure how long Mom would be there. I called Aunt Hilda and let her know what is happening.
Thursday, June 10th
Mom’s doctor phoned me and provided an update. The doctor has decided to pull Mom’s driver’s license! While I do not disagree with it, in fact, I actually support it, it has been a real blow for Mom. She says she doesn’t understand why, after all she passed her test last year. The doctor says that they did a Mini-Mental Status Test and she scored 23/30. While that doesn’t sound bad, it is a sign of mild to moderate dementia. They also did a Montreal Cognitive test and on that she only scored 13/30 – obviously not good. The occupational therapist did a safety audit to see if Mom would be safe at home. On that she scored 5/7 but in terms of problem solving, she only got 3/7. The safety audit apparently has flash cards with pictures of dangerous situations such as pot on fire; while Mom recognized that a pot on fire is dangerous, she wasn’t able to pick out the card with a fire extinguisher as a solution.
I know that she has been without her toothbrush and toothpaste since she was admitted 10 days ago. She knew she needed/wanted them but she couldn’t figure out that that she could have asked Ellen or Pat to bring her a toothbrush and toothpaste. She can sometimes recognize a problem but is not able to figure out what to do about it.
Friday, June 11th
I talked to Mom tonight and she is tired, as usual. She says she doesn’t understand why the doctor pulled her license. I am sure the doctor did talk to her but she just doesn’t get it. When I asked what she is going to do about getting places, she said she didn’t know. I suggested she could take taxis, and she said she guesses she can.
I talked to her about the doctor being concerned because she had no memory of the fall – no idea if she tripped over something or blacked out or something else. What she said boggled my mind – she told me that I wouldn’t help her after her fall. When I asked what she was talking about she said: “I was lying on the floor and calling your name but you were lying on the bed with a lampshade on your head, I don’t know what that was all about, and you wouldn’t help me. I called and called and you wouldn’t help”. After I caught my breathe, I said that I hadn’t been to her home since last summer when she had her cataracts operated on, but she continued to insist that I was at her home last week and wouldn’t help. She didn’t seem to be angry with me, more disappointed with me. I have no idea how my grandmother fit into the picture and I didn’t really want to go there!
Saturday, June 12th
I talked to Aunt Hilda again today. She talked to Mom this morning and Mom’s concern was that when she left the house last Tuesday, the bed wasn’t made! Considering that she always makes the bed shortly after getting up, so usually by about 9 or 9:30 and I believe that Ellen and Pat took her to the hospital about 2 pm, that means she fell and lay on the floor for probably 4-6 hours!
I had talked to her a few months ago about Lifeline or a similar personal monitoring system, but she says that her former neighbour had one and never used it so they don’t work. I was not able to convince her that the problem was the neighbour, not the system. In computer lingo, they call this a DEU – Defective End User.
Apparently the lady from HomeCare came in today for a visit. She heated up some supper for Mom but I don’t know what else she did. When Mom told her that she has 3 medical appointments this week and can’t drive, the lady said she would see if the agency would be able to find a driver – apparently they are paid for by the Health Care system. I hope that Mom understood correctly and that it will all work out.
Although it probably sounds callous, I am not going to visit her until the end of July. Her doctor has said that she needs to move to a seniors residence – she is not a nursing home candidate yet. Until she has been inconvenienced enough by not having a car, I don’t think she will be willing to consider moving. Her options are to stay in the community where she is living and where she has friends, or moving West to live near me and the grandchildren. There are huge pros and cons to either decision and neither of them will be clearly right.
Staying in her current community:
Pro: She is near her friends
Con: She is one of the few who was still driving so can they get out to visit her?
Pro: Her doctors are all there and they have been great
Con: How does she get to them? If she moves into a senior residence, she will possibly end up getting new doctors anyway.
Pro: The area is familiar to her.
Con: If she can’t get out easily, does it matter?
Pro: The move is not as major if she stays nearby.
Con: It is still a major move and will be traumatic.
Moving near to me:
Pro: She will be near family and we can invite her for dinner and Christmas etc easily – no more expensive flights across the country.
Con: Will she expect us to appear every day?
Pro: I can attend her medical appointments with her
Con: How easy will it be to find new doctors – particularly with the current shortage.
What to do, what to do???
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